I am truly sorry for the lack of weekly posts. Since surgery I have been taking a lot of time off social media, even deleting facebook to just focus on myself, my schooling, my photography and most importantly, my health. Im slowly recovering with some minor setbacks but will be back in the gym and back in routine as of Monday, and to say I’m excited is an understatement.
One of the only good things that came out of me having surgery and being so sick, Is I had so much time to reflect, think about myself and my future and also had so much time to write. If you know me personally, you know writing has always been a major passion of mine, and when I was in hospital I finally started writing my book. I dont want to give too much away and ruin every aspect, but in simple terms its about fighting body dysmorphia, the little things life throws at us and finding a way through all the hurt to become better then ever. I did however, want to share a small snippet with you guys. It has not gone through editing just yet, just simply written so please, dont judge too harshly, and please do not pin point people you may think its about – It is all about life in general and the road I have been on. I hope you guys enjoy it, here goes nothing:
“Its crazy, Isn’t it? How things can change in just a matter of a day. Thats only 24 hours. thats only 1440 minutes. You can go from being so sure of your life, so sure of the people you are surrounding yourself with and so sure of where you are going. Its almost like looking at your future and your life as a long open road, and when you figure it out, or think you have it figured out, the path is so easy to drive on, you enjoy the long, open road and can read your map easily knowing exactly your destination and knowing exactly how you’re going to get there, and then suddenly, out of the blue, you crash.
You crash that car, you ruin that map and the road becomes twisted and that future, that future that once seemed so clear becomes blurry and hard to reach. I guess thats the way I look at it. There are a lot of people who find it so difficult when put in a position like this. They are so sure of their futures, so sure of their partners, so sure of their careers, they never think about the possibility of losing an aspect of their lives, or possibly losing it all. Its scary, It’s a horrible thought isn’t it? Knowing that the people and things that mean the most to you, could be yanked from you ever so easily. It’s not a reality anyone wants to face, but sadly some of us do have to face it.
The question is though, How will you face it? I guess you could look at it like a road trip in this circumstance too. imagine driving, you suddenly crash. Yes, the crash hurt, yes the crash was hard and yes the crash has had severe consequences on your life, how you feel as a person and keeps you wondering if things will ever get better, but now, now you have to walk.. however there is a divide and there are two roads you can take, but you can only chose one.
One destination can lead you down the path of further sadness, further wondering ‘why me’, further weeks.. months.. years even of wondering how it could ever get better and constant feeling sorry for yourself. This path is the path sadly so many end up taking, and can never ever see the true beauty in life and what opportunities are right infant of us..
Or you could chose the path of optimism, the thought of knowing, yes- damn straight things are going to be tough, yes there are going to be days, weeks even of sadness and constantly questioning where you are going and where life is taking you – but you chose to keep positive and you chose to keep fighting because you know life is too damn short to be anything but happy, too damn short to live each and every day sad. You chose to be optimistic because at the end of the day, you can sit back and remember that you got yourself through some of the hardest things in life, and guess what, you’re still here. You are still breathing air, you are still pushing through every god damn day with a smile on your face because you know only you can change how you see yourself, only you can change your own life and only you can make things better.
Stop relying on everyone else to be there for you. If there is one thing I have learnt, It’s that you will only get disappointed by this. You will be there for you, and this is the sole reason as to why you need to put you first. As old as the saying is, it has truth to it ‘How can you expect anyone to love you, if you do not love yourself?’ These 14 words hit home for me. I spent a lot of my life hating who I am. Heck, in all honesty I still hate a lot of physical aspects about myself, but when I took the time to sit, reflect and think about who I was as a person I learnt that there were parts of me, I am proud of, and those are the parts that make me, Tegan. No-one should ever hide aspects that make them, them, and no-one should ever make someone feel bad or self conscious about themselves because they are different to you. Just remember, there are people out there who would fight for you. There is someone out there who would count their lucky stars to have you in their lives, there is someone out there who wants you, for you. Hold onto that and dont settle for less. You are worth it.”
And there it is. I cannot wait to share more with you as I continue writing.
Until next time,